Insomnia (IV): A Search for Ground

Yesterday I tried to do things a little differently. I came to the cushion after writing all afternoon, wondering if I could find a clue to this wakefulness (dark and quiet again right now, and hard to get out from under the warmth and comforting weight of covers, but harder still, far harder, to lie there awake, so I'm up) and I found my energy very high in my body--I could feel it like a cloud around my head--and I set about grounding it, breath by breath, exhaling the energy down and into the ground. It helped, I think. The clock's numerals this morning read a higher number, and its glow less harsh.

I practice drawing the energy lower while I work, trying to stay more centered. It creeps up and out. I breathe it down again.

I'm trying to learn to meet the energy of these moments, the shifts in flow. Stuff is happening. In trying to meet the energy, I'm also trying to shift the energy, change the energy, control the energy. I'm trying to expand my consciousness, to set the foundation for intuition and insight. I seek the blessing of a grounded center: If spirits be attracted, let them be benevolent.

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